On the Cheap – Crabitron

header

On the Cheap is Squinshee’s regular gander at inexpensive or free games.

Crabitron (iOS)
Developer: Two Lives Left
Price: $3

Rarely is there a stuffed animal worth grabbing in claw machines. They’re loaded with plushes that are more cheaply made than a McDonalds Happy Meal toy. But this doesn’t prevent me from taking a whack at each one I see. Positioning the suspended claw with the dinkiest joystick is a total thrill. Time is ticking as I hop from each angle, verifying that the metallic hand is above that knock-off Pooh’s grabbable belly. With a press of a button, I watch as the claw shakily descends toward the honey-loving bear. It’s not about the prize (my favorite Hundred Acre Woods buddy is Eeyore), but rather controlling that damn claw.

Read the full post »

Advertisements

BUY THIS SHIRT, 4/29

4-29

Buy This Shirt posts are saved for limited time t-shirt offers that’re so awesome I have to tell you about them.

Designer: Italo Perochena

On weekdays, Fisherman Andrew commutes to Route 12. He brings a lawn chair, a good fishing rod, and parks himself down at the docks for eight hours in the same spot. It’s a ritual of sorts, taught to him by his father, who learned it from his father. They all believe that it’s the perfect place to catch the most scrumptious Magikarp. Don’t you dare get on Andrew’s bad side, because his trio of level 24 Magikarp will splash, splash, splash those swayed leather shoes of yours a new one.

BUY THIS SHIRT. ($11 plus shipping and handling)

BUY THIS SHIRT, 4/23

4-23

Buy This Shirt posts are saved for limited time t-shirt offers that’re so awesome I have to tell you about them.

Designer: Ramy Badie

Pocket protectors have often been considered as nerdy or geeky. How many people stuff pens in their chest pocket to justify this ink-defending accessory? After the third tide-to-go resistant stain, I’d stop holstering pens near my nipple all together. This would make room for the infinitely cooler Pocket Monster Pocket Protectors (Pokémon is a portmanteau created from smashing “pocket” and “monster” together). Cradling a Squirtle or a Bulbasaur in your collard shirt pocket is the nerd equivalent of a Chihuahua nestled within a fashionista’s oversized purse. This shirt let’s you live this intangible fantasy.

BUY THIS SHIRT. ($11, no shipping and handling)

High Score to Settle – Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2

header

Some games stranglehold your ability to concede, epitomizing that “just one more!” compulsion. High Score to Settle is a confession of these crippling addictions.

Has there been a greater sibling rivalry narrative than this year’s Super Bowl? The Harbough brothers, separated by one year of age, coached their respective teams for the title of  “Champion” to the tune of over a million viewers. It was a close game –– 34 to 31 –– and seniority prevailed as John, the older sibling, defeated his younger brother Jim in a game dubbed the “Harbowl”. Thanksgiving dinners will be forever awkward for the Harbough family.

Read the full post »

BUY THIS SHIRT, 4/18

4-18

Buy This Shirt posts are saved for limited time t-shirt offers that’re so awesome I have to tell you about them.

Designer: Steve Anderson

Metal Gear protagonists have an odd attraction for cardboard boxes. Solid Snake, Naked Snake, and Raiden have had extensive espionage training, yet their shared, beloved tactic is hiding under packages for outdated CRT televisions. This corrugated disguse has become a staple for the series (metal barrels were the logical next step) as well and these characters’ reliable partner. Turning Portal’s Companion Cube into a cardboard cloak for the Snakes and  Ninja to use just makes sense. I love the matching camouflage too.

BUY THIS SHIRT. ($11 plus shipping and handling)

On the Cheap – Slayin

header

On the Cheap is Squinshee’s regular gander at inexpensive or free games.

Slayin (iOS)
Developer: Pixel Licker
Price: $1

Don’t drown. Smack the golf ball into the hole. Solve for X. First lessons like these are oversimplifications that border on irony. Such advice doesn’t elude the blood-soaked, boob-filled world (not to be mistaken with bloody boobs) of A Song of Ice and Fire – or Game of Thrones to most of you. When Jon Snow endows his young stepsister Arya with a petit fencing sword, “Stick them with the pointy end,” concludes his first bit of advice.

Read the full post »

BUY THIS SHIRT, 4/9

4-9

Buy This Shirt posts are saved for limited time t-shirt offers that’re so awesome I have to tell you about them.

Designer: Matthew Parsons

I’m more prone to enjoying a fighting game if M. Bison is in the character select screen. What’s not to love? He’s got a beefier jaw than the Crimson Chin. His pupil-less eyes breed dread, as does his harrowingly deep voice. When he blankets himself in pink energy, launches himself like a human bullet and bellows, “Psycho Crusher!” what else is there to do but cower in fear? When you wear this shirt that depicts a Bisonified bison, you harness that fear.

BUY THIS SHIRT.

Game Review – HarmoKnight

header

HarmoKnight (3DS)
Developer: Game Freak
Price: $15

Stripped of the singing and dancing, Glee’s high school dramatics are simple. Trite even. It revels in discussing social issues – like homophobia and, just recently, Chris Brown – to varying degrees of success. But that’s not the point. Other than the requisite Brittany quips and Sue Sylvester’s bullying, people are tuning in to hear their beloved characters sing “Call Me Maybe.”

Read the full post »

BUY THIS SHIRT, 4/4

4-4

Buy This Shirt posts are saved for limited time t-shirt offers that’re so awesome I have to tell you about them.

This Luigi’s Mansion and Ghostbusters crossover tee is more inevitable than ingenious. A Google search will show that this comparison has been played to death. This shirt is the same as today’s offer. Well, that’s not totally true. Boos are way cooler than the generic scruff that fills most of the mansions Luigi shivers through. More importantly, this Boo glows in the dark. It costs less too, so get on it already!

BUY THIS SHIRT.

 

On the Cheap – Bobbing

header

On the Cheap is Squinshee’s regular gander at inexpensive or free games.

Bobbing (iOS, Android)
Developer: Little Bobby Games
Price: $1

There’s nothing odd, at least to me, about reading Dante’s Inferno on a Kindle. The ability for new technology to adapt old art grants us easy access to a sprawling history of entertainment. Conversely, presenting new material through dated mediums sounds counterintuitive. For instance, listening to Skrillex on vinyl. Some people do it even though it seems physically impossible. You’re telling me that this Crosley can make my apartment go WUB-WUB with a needle scraping a spinning disk? I thought records were relegated to Frank Sinatra, like dubstep to mp3s.

Read the full post »