Extra Credit – Game characters that’d be awesome high school teachers

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Geometry proofs. World War II discussions. Dodgeball. These would’ve been a lot more fun if these game characters were your teachers.

Phys-Ed – Mario, every sport spin-off

Mario

When Mario isn’t saving Princess Peach from Bowser, he’s off shooting hoops and scoring goals with those willing to participate. Each sport he takes on has a perfect gym class twist – let’s replace soccer balls with koopa shells! – because they’re lighthearted enough for loathers of movement to get behind yet competitive enough for jocks to bro out about. He’ll be the first (and only) chubby gym teacher you won’t resent.

Math – Professor Layton, Professor Layton series

Professor Layton

“Every puzzle has an answer!” This common phrase of Layton’s also aptly applies to math problems. His proficiency with puzzles makes him an ideal teacher as he’d both contextualize and explain each problem in a way that’d make more sense. He’s patient too – you’d have to be if you spend all your time with a seven-year-old apprentice. I’d only start worrying when problems worth 50 picarats appeared on quizzes.

Home Room – The King of All Cosmos, Katamari Damacy series

King of the Cosmos

You know those people that quickly outstay their welcome? The King of All Cosmos is one of those guys. He’s constantly insulting his son and cruelly punishing him by smacking him as if he were a punching bag. Threats of embarrassment are a strong motivator though, so you wouldn’t forget to get those permission slips signed. On the flip side, watching him profusely deride a fellow classmate would provide daily entertainment. Even his Twitter is a hoot:

We would like to devote today to all of Our followers. Keep trying! One day you will be something.

— Katamari Forever (@KingOfTheCosmos) February 15, 2011

English – Mr. Drippy, Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch

Mr Drippy

Never one to withhold a sharp quip, Mr. Drippy’s sense of humor is flippin’ infectious. He even teaches other fellow fairies the art of comedy! Having an English teacher that’s fun to listen to makes talking about boring old literature enjoyable. Plus, his lantern nose piercing serves as perfect lighting for reading long excerpts and he’s adorable (and that’s really why he’s here).

Foreign Language – Banjo and Kazooie, Banjo-Kazooie series

Banjo Kazooie

When I hear people talking in Spanish, it sounds like a bunch of gibberish due to the speed of their pronunciation and my lack of understanding. When Banjo, Kazooie, or anyone else from their world speaks, it’s literally gibberish. Is there any rhyme or reason to it? Any grammar? Probably not, but I guarantee it will make more sense than Latin and its dative cases.

History – Tim, Braid

Tim

Dressed in his black blazer and red power tie, Tim’s wardrobe matches that of your stereotypical history professor. His ability to manipulate time is what would make him a fantastic teacher. Not only does he understand the ramifications of the Chaos Theory better than anyone else, but Tim can also rewind time if a particular lecture isn’t going as planned. Just don’t ask him for advice on women.

Art – Paint Roller, Kirby series

Paint Roller 2

Oh man, wouldn’t it be so cool to watch your art projects come to life? Paint Roller has a knack for making this impossible feat possible. You can finally have conversations with that creepy clay mask you made to resemble Roald Dahl’s “BFG” (big friendly giant). I’m sure it won’t be at all depressed or vengeful for giving it life.

Biology – Professor Oak, Pokémon series

Professor Oak

How can Dragonite fly when its wings are so tiny? What sorts of plants grow on a Venasuar? How does evolution actually work? Can I pet a Jolteon? All of these questions and more will finally be known in Professor Oak’s biology class. You’d even get to dissect Bidoofs!

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