Burrr – 7 chilly game locales that are more fun than a New England winter

Top 7 Snow

New England winters are fiendishly cold. Starting your car fifteen minutes before driving it, just so you don’t freeze within, is mandatory. Shoveling sucks, and you’re often hard-pressed to find places to put the snow. Chapped lips, dry-skin, static-y pants, and inevitable coughs are all par for the course over this season that somehow lasts longer than all of the others.

These seven games will remind you of the fun and beauties of this treacherous season, minus the rosy-cheeks.

1. Phendrana Drifts, Metroid Prime

Phendrana Drifts

After having navigated through the blazingly claustrophobic Magmoor Caverns, Samus finds herself in the refreshingly snowy tundra of Phendrana Drifts. It’s a moment of relief, for both Samus and the player, and the music perfectly captures the simple elegance of winter yet hints at the dangers to come. As you explore more of the area, you encounter the cutest of all Metroid enemies – Sheegoths! Awww, can I keep it mommy? Please! Please!

2. Arkham City, Batman: Arkham City

Arkham City

What’s worse than having a large portion of the city completely taken over by criminals who escaped prison? Having a large portion of the city completely taken over by criminals while it’s snowing a little bit.

3. Skyrim, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Skyrim

Skyrim’s inhabitants live in painfully cold conditions, surrounded by hulking snowcapped mountains and giants that herd giant-sized mammoths (that sometimes fall from the sky). Yet their greatest danger is blistering heat from sporadic dragon attacks? That’s rough. If I was brave enough to take down a dragon, I’d totally make a spa and use its magical reptile powers to keep the baths warm. Free heat? Sign me up.

4. Snow Mountain, Mega Man X

Chill Pengiun

Snow Mountain, or “The Chill Penguin Stage”, is the easiest level in Mega Man X. Robots scoop up and throw snowballs. Mechs are liberally scattered around, granting you invulnerability and massive fisticuffs. Awesome 16-bit tunes are blaring. The dash boots, which are essential for playing through the game, are unavoidable. And Chill Penguin himself is a total pushover (to his credit, he has mastered the art of sculpting penguins from ice). I’d gladly live in this version of winter, but only if I had a gun attached to my arm.

5. Shadow Moses, Metal Gear Solid

Shadow Moses

In a time filled with iPads and 3D televisions, it’s nostalgic to think back to technologies that used to impress. Sneaking Solid Snake around a heavily guarded helipad in a snowy top-secret Alaskan nuclear facility is dangerous and probably impossible. The last thing you expected the lookouts to notice is your footprints. THE FUTURE IS NOW.

6. Ice Climber

Ice Climbers

Vegetation isn’t common in the tundra. When Nana and Popo, two adorable Eskimos, get their hands on eggplant – their favorite vegetable – it’s cause for much excitement. That anticipation for dinner turns sour when a flock of asshole condors steal their veggies. Popo and Nana climb countless mountains just so they won’t have to eat another meal of baby seal spaghetti. Me? I’d rather have that than eggplant. Ewwww.

7. E.D.N. III, Lost Planet: Extreme Conditions

E.D.N. III

This place is so cold that it will eventually kill you. Blasting the Akrid – the monstrous and monstrously large creatures that inhabit E.D.N. III – in their biological sacks of warmth both kills them and oozes honey-like heat that you use to stay alive. It’s just like buying a Starbucks coffee and grasping it with both hands while headed to work, minus the screeches of pain and gradually dismemberment of an alien race.

*****

What snowy locales are you fond of?

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1 Comment

  1. Ethan

     /  February 4, 2013

    The Phendrana Drifts section perfectly captures my thoughts. It’s one of my favorite memories from that game. Thanks for posting the music as well!

    Reply

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