Gatecrash spoilers with definitive speculation, 1/21

Gatecrash Spoilers

(These daily posts discuss my correct opinions on newly revealed Magic: The Gathering cards and how they’ll play in limited formats. I don’t play much standard. All cards and translations were retrieved from MTGSalvation.)

Gatecrash was spoiled in its entirety, woohoo! I wasn’t expecting this even though Wizards always does this a week before the prerelease. Today I’m going to go over a few of the new cards that caught my attention, for whatever reason that may be. Oh, you should also listen to this gorgeous song I recorded. It’s about Magic, made with love, recorded with passion. Enjoy!(?):


Knight of Obligation

This knight reeks creepy tax collector and I love that about him. You won’t attack with him often, but he’ll stop your opponent’s weaker creatures from swinging. The four toughness makes him resilient, meaning you get a reliable extort trigger each turn. Amazing and noteworthy he isn’t, but his purpose is one I gravitate towards.


Bane Ally Broker

The weirdness initially threw me off, but I’m certain that this broad is incredibly strong. Manipulating your hand for free every turn lets you get what you need quicker, and having the option to get those exiled cards back – for a nominal fee – grants you an immense array of options. Options are always good. Some opponents may not realize how much she’s helping you out, since crafting a stronger hand is less visibly painful than something like taking constant damage. She’ll be the bane of your existence! (That joke was super funny when The Dark Knight Rises came out and it’s debatably funnier now. Try it at home!)


Slate Street Ruffian

Whenever this rascal attacks, your opponent will be worried that you might be holding onto a combat trick to keep him alive. Repeated discard is scary, so I’d love to give him an aura and watch him annoy my opponents. In truth, I want this guy to be better than he is because I’m pretty sure he’ll be outclassed promptly and only net you one discarded card. It’d be nice if it triggered if he blocked. Oh well.



Wizards keeps printing red creatures with high power and low toughness and they’ve all sucked. This one sucks a lot less because he serves two functions – a strong blocker or a powerful combat trick for cheap – but I’d only sleeve up one of these at maximum. That +5 power could easily be the killing blow you need to win. And it can’t be countered if bloodrushed!


Wojek Halberdiers

A 3/2 for two mana that occasionally has first strike is terrifying. I don’t want to play against it but I know I will because it’s common. Fuck me. Boros is going to shit out so many efficient beaters in the first few turns, and when they all finally strike the battalion math will cause headaches and heartaches.


One Thousand Lashes

Playing with Stab Wound in Return to Ravnica has been so much fun, and while One Thousand Lashes isn’t strictly better, it’s more effective at what it does. Your opponent can’t block with the creature to get rid of the repeating damage, and sticking this on a guildmage seems soul-crushing. I adore causing this particular brand of agony to my opponents.


Disagree with me? Have any thoughts on Gatecrash now that it’s completely spoiled? Did you love my song? Let me know by posting a comment!

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